Wenches, pirates, Nigella Lawson and modern farming practices

Nigella Lawson describes stirring risotto as cathartic. Personally, I describe watching Nigella as cathartic. Or at least, I did. After all, she was my TV wife long before I found my own curvy wench to make me dinner each night. That might sound sexist, but it's actually appreciation. Wench is such an undervalued word. And if there's one thing that should never be undervalued, it's a good word. And more so, someone who is willing to make you dinner each night. Possibly even more so, wenches in general. Maybe it's just that in my mind I hark back to a former (fantasy) era of swarthy pirates regaling tales of swashbuckling conquest over frothy ales amidst the boisterous fervour of a seaside tavern manifesting what in this age would be considered all that is wrong with the world. 

I Like Pirates, But Only Their Early Stuff

And what's worse is that being a pirate has become cool. So there goes all that made it attractive. Bloody hipsters. But I digress, another favourite pastime.... speaking of which, life is too stressful, in general. Of course, that's a generalisation, but nonetheless true, and it stands to reason that everything in general is a generalisation, by definition. 

So how does one relax without living on a farm: endless acres before you as you're buffeted by the bustle and jolts of everyday life? One solution may be to fly with angels' wings and some rather innovative automatic weaponry, but that's not the type of relaxing I was alluding to. 

Zen Gaming and Digression about Kardashians

What has been one of the surprising successes of the go-anywhere-shoot-everything age of gaming is the emergence of a desire to simulate what people have been doing for hundreds of years. But in an air-conditioned cab. Or in this case your air-conditioned house, simulating an air-conditioned cab of a tractor engaging in the age old practice of...yes...farming. 

As a way to redress endless stress or duress at your address, it can be quite charming to play without harming, by farming. OK, Dr Suess hasn't got any competition here, and neither does Eminem. Jay Z may be challenged, however, and we all know Kanye West is a wannabe with little talent, who perhaps surprisingly "kan" marry people with lots of Ks in their name and speaking of naming, names children using the points of a compass. Great move. You'd need a compass for great moving. But it's not happening with his dancing, is it? He moves like a 40 year old who's smoked too much crack. Not that there's a standard amount one should smoke. 

On that promised digression about Kardashians: if Kim Kardashian had more Ks in here name....such as a middle name beginning with K, would Kanye be married to the KKK? That may be simultaneously uncomfortable, yet potentially progressive. Just a question...likely not worth answering. So now, considering it's nigh on impossible that I've offended anybody, farming seems to be as cathartic as stirring risotto, only far more expensive. Unless you simulate it beautifully of course. 

Farming Simulator is like Donald Trump, backwards

As it turns out, Farming Simulator is one of the most interesting stories of the last couple of years in gaming, and has found its way into many a game collection, possibly because it was the beginning of an entirely new genre, or at least a candid departure from "let's kick-some-arse because we're Merica", which sounds a lot like the murmurings of a typical Donald Trump presidential rally. That last example will age badly, but so has Donald Trump. At least his hair hasn't. It's likely never met him. But what never ages badly is stirring risotto, or improving crop yields, slowly. Steady and reassuring, Farming Simulator is the antithesis to the postmodern life we all can't live without, but secretly want to.

Farming Simulator is available on PC (Windows) and Sony PS4.

Construction Machines Simulator is an interesting alternative on PC.

5th Oct 2016 Branse Makaba

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